When I was 20 years old, I was just... well, an average 20-year-old
girl. I was neither particularly pretty nor particularly ugly, not very
tall and quite skinny. I hadn't had many boyfriends up to then and very
little sexual experience for my age, and I hadn't even enjoyed what I'd
tried. I considered it just an exercise, something you had to do because
you're in a partnership, nothing to be ashamed of, but nothing to enjoy
either. Also, I didn't have the desire to touch myself, because it
didn't give me anything and it didn't turn me on. I was waiting for my
Mr Right, who I wanted to be my lifelong love and sex partner, the one
who would spark my heart and my body. I had the very naïve belief that,
once I'd found the right man, something would click and my sex life
would be wonderful. But the truth was, I wasn't keen on experimenting. I
didn't know what to do with a man's body, how to excite it, arouse it.
Besides, I didn't feel attractive in the least, so I was wondering why
someone would go to bed with me if it wasn't for love.
I had just moved to a bigger town and started university, where I spent
my first two years having lots of fun. I spent almost every evening out
with friends and didn't bother much about studying. I had a brief fling
with a boy called Robert at the end of my first year, but, like other
times before, he didn't share my feelings. Nevertheless, we ended up in
bed quite often and also talked about what we liked and didn't like in
bed. For the first time, I started to look at sex in a slightly
different way, as something that could be enjoyed regardless of one's
feelings. But on the other hand, I DID have feelings for Robert... it
was just that he didn't return them.
After his first year he quit and I've never seen him again since.
Then, at the end of the second year I met Fred, a good-looking,
black-haired, dark-skinned, mysterious guy who didn't talk much. He was
in a relationship with one of my friends at the time, but they didn't
get along very well and fought and argued all the time. So he spent a
lot of time with his friends instead of staying with her and I found out
he was not mysterious at all, but friendly, quirky and easy-going. We
spent a few weeks as friends together, and eventually we became a
couple. He cared about studying as little as I did, and we spent all our
time wandering around, drinking or playing cards, living without a care
in the world.
Fred had a few friends who sometimes came over for a round of poker.
They were very kind to me I got many appreciative remarks. Since I was
not used to this, I was sincerely flattered and also Fred seemed very
proud to have such a nice girlfriend.
When we first ended up in bed together, it was a bit like I'd imagined
it would be. Sex was gentle, sweet, full of passion feelings, and I was
happy and convinced there could be nothing more and nothing better.
There were only two minor drawbacks. One was the fact that I couldn't
get an orgasm, however hard we tried. I was afraid there was something
wrong with me, but I did not mind too much at the beginning, and decided
to be happy with what I could get.
The other one... well, to tell the truth, I didn't it consider it a
drawback back then. When we first had sex, I couldn't help noticing how
tiny Fred's penis was. He did not seem to consider it small, and that
was fine with me. But all in all, I didn't give the matter much thought
because there were other things that mattered more to me.
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