I lived in that town for one more year, and although John called me a
few times more, we never had sex again. I just couldn't. Mick came to
see me a few times, and after one year I moved to the town he lived in.
We still met in secret and I couldn't introduce him to my new friends
because of his family situation, but we met as often as we could. In the
meantime I had also confessed my sex episode with John, but instead of
him being jealous or getting mad, he found the fact that a person other
than him had fucked me exciting. He only seemed angry at the fact that
it had taken me so long to tell him. I thought this was very strange, I
didn't find the idea of him having sex with another woman exactly
exciting, but I told him from the beginning that whenever he had the
desire to try someone else or to do something I wasn't up for, like
orgies or whatever, he was free to do it. He gave me the same freedom,
of course, but I didn't have the slightest desire to have sexual
experiences with other people as long as I could have sex with him. We
once discussed though if we should include John in our games, and I even
called him on the phone to ask him if he wanted to do it, but he
didn't. He said the only way to have a threesome was with two girls,
since he didn't want any competition. Of course this was no option and
in the end I was quite happy that nothing came out of it. These games
just didn't do for me. I wanted to enjoy sex just with my partner. This
didn't mean I didn't have sexual fantasies of other men sleeping with
me, but in the beginning I was a little ashamed of them and just pushed
them aside.
After some time, Mick asked me why I didn't join an adult chat in which
he was quite active. I, on the other hand, hated the idea. Looking at
and chatting with some random horny guys? Why? I didn't really
understand the spirit of it, I didn't understand how this could be a
game to share and to enjoy in a partnership. It was just a waste of time
and I didn't get why Mick spent so much time on it. He was interested
in learning about other people's experiences, their fantasies, their
preferences. I really couldn't care less. To me it was important to
enjoy my relationship with Mick, and I didn't want anyone to interfere
with it.
But I was curious to know what was so interesting about the whole thing.
So we decided we would try together. I signed up for an adult chat as
well and we sat together in front of my computer, or we were together,
but using two computers and two different accounts. Under no
circumstance I wanted to chat on my own, I wouldn't have had anything to
say or to ask. I had always considered people on adult sites some sort
of perverts. But little by little, I discovered how not only watching
people on a web cam can be real fun, but also showing myself and turning
people on. I still had this idea that I wasn't attractive compared to
many girls on those websites. Gradually, though, I learned that most
people don't go looking for perfect bodies, but for real people and a
little entertainment.
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