John is furious

I worked at the restaurant one more year, then I quit and went back to studying. I took it very seriously this time and studied very diligently. Fred, on the other hand, still had no job and no perspective. He became stranger and more aggressive, hung out with his junkie friends and we hardly ever saw each other. After a couple of months and a few fall-outs, we ended our relationship. I later heard from some friends that he went on to take drugs, stealing money from his mother, mugging an old lady and doing other not-so-nice stuff.

I concentrated hard on my exams and also made a lot of new friends. I had also always been interested in the paranormal and in energy therapies, so I dedicated some time to those things as well. I had regular sex with John and no other love interests, so there was no need to feel guilty any more. And these feelings of guilt started fading anyway. I more and more considered myself a woman who had the right to take from someone else what she couldn't get from the one who should have given it.

From time to time, we would take a break, either because I had to prepare exams or because his wife had another baby, then take everything up again. During one of these breaks I did meet someone on a trade fair I was interested in (his name was Marcus), but like other times before, he didn't share my feelings. We did end up in bed though, just a couple of times, and when I told John, he was furious. Even though he had always assured me that if I found someone else, we would stop our little game, and even though during all that time he was, of course, also having sex with his wife, he was so angry, he almost went out of his mind. But he later cooled down and apologised, and we continued. We also tried anal, but just as with Fred, I didn't like it and I didn't get the hype. It just hurt, hurt, hurt. But I liked all the rest we did and this idea of quick, uncommitted sex.